Ants in My Pants

There was just, no joke, a bee flying inside my pants. It's very unnerving to hear bzz-bzz and realize that it's coming from between your thighs. Especially if you're inside your apartment. All is okay as of this writing although I did break several small mirrors with my piercing shrieks.

Anyway, you should take this time to enjoy the pants you're wearing. If you're not wearing pants, put some on. This is not the kind of blog to read pant-less. I miss pants. Specifically, I miss wearing jeans that really fit. I love jeans much to my mother's chagrin. I really like expensive jeans much to my wallet's chagrin but my brother's approval.

When you're nearly 35 weeks pregnant the thought of ever wearing your overpriced, but oh-so stylish Joe or Citizens of Humanity or Seven or Paper Cloth Denim jeans seems like a distant dream in your ill fitting maternity pants. Sure, elastic is necessary around the constantly swelling belly but I have realized why zippers, buttons, and sizes were invented. Elastic doesn't fit. It hangs low around the butt or slides down the hips. Elastic also gets stretched out so while you might have thought these aren't so bad when you first put them on the morning, by afternoon the pants are riding between low and high and it's pretty terrible.

I've had much better luck with maternity tops. As much as I hate contributing to child-labor, I have to give props to Old Navy maternity tees. Comfortable! Flattering! And of course, thanks to the blind Indonesia 8 year old making it for me, Cheap! Also, the style for many tops this seems to be flowing with odd inclusions of elastic which is exactly what the pregnant woman ordered! I've happened upon many cute, non-pregnancy tops which makes me happy.

My doc. said that most women lose between 18-20 pounds during the labor/birth. I'm not so crazy as to actually pack Seven's in the hospital bag but maybe, in the not so distant future, I can go back to looking like my old self, like this: